Somewhere in the middle

Someone is leaving law school.  I remember thinking about this during orientation - looking around, wondering who it might be that wouldn't make it all the way to the end.  I knew it wouldn't be me.  Everyone knew it wouldn't be them...but here we are nearly a semester in and someone is already planning to leave.

I can see why - but I wouldn't have thought it of this person.  A friend.  A solid student who seems to be doing OK.  Interests beyond law have driven this person to seek adventure outside the gates.  I think that most people thought as I did - we knew the old tales of how law school would be different - so unlike UG, more demanding, more of a challenge because it won't just come easy for most...we all thought 'not for me'.  I'll be the exception to the rule - after all, I've always been the exception to the rule. 

But here we are and it's all true really.  No, law school isn't hard.  That's a terrible decriptive.  It's challenging - yes, and demanding - yes...but more because it's not something that most can just feel comfortable with.  Over-achiever-meets-mediocrity is not always pretty and some people are having a hard time coming to grips with that.  And then, some are just realizing that even though they thought being a lawyer would be different for them - it's not.  It's really not.  It's the same as it is for everyone.  It's really kind of boring.

Law school is like that - it's boring.  It's not something that most people can't handle.  It's not something that only smart people can do - believe me, there are plenty of people here who disprove that notion.  It's boring.  And long.  And heaps of work (if you do it), and lots of anxiety (if you don't or...really even if you do).  I'm not stressing too much about school.  The more I think about exams the more comfortable I become with mediocrity.  I have resigned the hope of outshining my peers.  Subjectiveness aside, the exams just aren't going to be a good measure of what kind of lawyer I will become...unless I kick ass and then you so know I will rock as an attorney.  They are just the measure of how much time you put in to figuring out how to crack it, learn it, and score. 

Some may end up doing quite well on exams and as attorneys, and there are some that will do neither - but there are many who will fall in between.  When you measure yourself against some of the brightest people around and you fall well within the average - it's not a failure...and it's not a true measure of who you are or how well you will do.  And, I don't think it's just hedging my bets to say so.

Next summer I want a job.  I want a job that shows me what it's really like out there.  I want to know that I can be really good at something and I don't think 4 hours of a Civ Pro exam is going to give me that. 

It could just be that I am delusional - after all, I've been spending a few days now working on my outlines, that last bastion of hope for most of us.  The more I read, the more I analyze, the more I study - the more I realize that exams are not going to be the true measure of my success.  The more I realize how small law school can be.  The more I realize that people who plan to leave may have just figured this out sooner than the rest of us. 

Do I still want to be a lawyer?  It is a question I ask myself from time to time.  For now, the answer remains affirmative, but time may tell a different tale.  I promised myself that law school wouldn't change me - wouldn't change who I am.  The more I am here, the more I think that this is an impossible goal.  To do well, you have to leave a part of yourself behind.  To do otherwise, may be to fail.  At what - I'm not yet sure.

Comments

[Me]

Hey,
I'm a one L. Married, kids, etc. Nobody's left a my school yet, but plenty are talking about it. We'll see what happens after finals. Me- I'm practical (I detected a bit of practicality in your message) I've looked at last year's scores from my professors. I have around a 60% chance of getting a B. I have the same chance of getting a D as I do getting an A. I'm comfortable with the statistics. I heard all sorts of people comforting themselves of late. The most oft repeated is the "A students become professors..." I've researched by asking 2L's if the people they thought would do well did. The overwhelming response was, "It's a crapshoot." There is just no way to predict. However, the law of averages is on my side. (60% B's) And, I know I can still be an attorney with a transcript full of C's (as long as I pass the bar.) Anyway, I am like yourself, resigned to whatever happens. I'm not anxious. And of course, there is a light at the end of this long>dark>boring>competitive tunnel. One MONTH of vacation!!!
-Me

[Suzi]

Hey Girl.....you were born to be a lawyer!!! You have it in you....see, your even over-analyzing law school.....you are a perfect canidate to hold the title of ESQ.