I fwat I fwaw a wabbit

It's hunting season here.  Someone told me that today.  It sounded so Elmer Fudd-ish, I almost giggled a little.  I've decided to get into the game...err sport.  After all, all these people wandering around in camouflage clothing and day-glo orange vests and hats are making me feel fashionably inferior.  Two things about that - first, camouflage here is so not sexy like it was on the Marine Base.  Second, why the camouflage anyway??  They have to go out of their way to be seen in that orange outer gear (hunters instinctively know not to shoot at anything tacky) - so why not just wear regular clothes underneath? 

So - I think what I will do is pull on some jeans and a turtleneck, lace up my go-fasters and stake out the front yard.  I have lots of deer in the front yard at night.  Or, I HAD a lot...   Anyway, since it is a sport and all, I'm going into this with a sporting attitude.  I'm getting a paintball gun.  You know, they don't even call them guns.  They call them paintball markers.  That is just silly.  It is a mechanical device with a trigger that shoots a projectile out of a barrel.  It's a gun people. 

The good part is, since the deer is not likely to be armed, I can forgo the safety gear altogether and just get down to shooting.  I'm pretty sure when I finally tag one, the deer will look up, shake his little deer head and think - 'Hmmm, well you got me you old son-of-a-bitch.  Ha.  Not as fast as I used to be.  Well, good game.'  Then I'll smile and talk a little deer smack and tell him to walk it off - see ya tomorrow. 

I'm going to use day-glo orange paintballs.  Happy Hunting.

Comments

[Mom]

You are seriously twisted! It's why you fit into the family so well...