Coyote Fun

The Kerry/??? Ticket

Vice President Clinton? Not new, but certainly interesting. From Drudge.

Hoard

I jacked this from Heidi - take a look. Spare me the "this is so sad" comments - this is some funny, crazy shit.

The Crying Game

I had cryers today. Clients who cry. I can't stand the crying. I've gone through quite a few boxes of tissue - they just won't stop crying! It's been a while since I've had a cryer. I had to make sure I had my game face on. Mostly I want to reach into my desk drawer, pull out a straw, hand it to them and tell them to suck it up...but I can't. I've thought about getting a sign "NO CRYING". Now that's bold. It's probably just asking for more crying though because then the clients will be thinking about crying and how they aren't allowed and they'll probably cry about that. I've had clients going through some really rough shit that shouldn't ever happen to people - they don't cry. The cryers are the ones who've fucked up and now face the consequences of their own indiscretions. The worst is when they cry to curry favor with me. They are barking up the wrong tree. The crying must end. End, I say!

What the??

Somehow, in the last five minutes, I acquired a cat. A kitten. My vow to forever rid the Coyote home of felines has failed. I'm not exactly sure where the breakdown occured. Somewhere between can I and sure. I'm pretty sure I meant to say no. More on this later...

I ate too many grapes...

...and now I have a stomach ache :(

I went grocery shopping today. I hate grocery shopping. I want to leave the house in the morning and come home to a fully stocked kitchen. I want never to have to step into the grocery store again. Ever. This time was pleasant enough, I suppose. I had a nice fella bag my groceries....but...he wanted to chit chat. I'm not a chit chatter. Have something meaningful to say fella.

Bagger: How are you?

Coyote: Good and you?

B: I'm making my way.

C: (nods, semi-obligatory smile)

B: ..in the world today.

C: (half nod)

B: Takes everything I got.

C: Did you seriously just say that? Shut the fuck up and bag my groceries.

OK, I didn't really say that. I'm not that mean to strangers, only to people I know. This fella has smoked way too much weed in his young life. He helped me take my bags out and handed them too me as I loaded them into the truck. He turned to leave and I mentioned the soda left underneath the cart. "Oh - good job!" he says to me. I thought he might even pat my head. *sigh*

I'm a bad bad girl

Today I got shot and went to jail. You're probably wondering, "How can Coyote blog from jail?" The good news is, I am no longer there. That bad news is, I really did get shot. Seriously. OK, I visited a jail and got shot with a non-lethal round, but still...good times.

I'd like to add that the welt I have from the non-lethal round is enough to deter me from any future pursuit of criminal activity. The jail cells were...well...not terribly scary. They looked rather like large animal cages, which is essentially what they are. My tour guide didn't seem to appreciate my first question, "Any anal raping occur here lately?" It's a fair question and I wanted to know. Sadly, no anal raping stories were offered. Damn.

The Candidator

Thanks to Mike at Wings & Vodka for giving me another reason to waste time. I'm totally gonna kick Bush's ass though.

GMail

I have GMail invites. Email me if you want one.

Just bring an overnight bag

Last Monday I had a conversation with the receptionist at the summer program my children attend that went something like this:

Coyote: Do you think you might be putting together a schedule of events so that I will know what to send with the kids each day?

Receptionist: We did - here you go.

C: OK, great....wait. This schedule doesn't say which group is doing which activity - just that a certain activity is planned for that day. Since there are two groups and they rarely do the same thing - how do I know which is which?

R: Where it says "swimming" that means they are swimming. "Bowling" means bowling and...

C: Right - but which group is going swimming on that day?

R: Whichever group is not going bowling.

C: How do you know which group is going bowling?

R: The group that's not going swimming goes bowling.

Obviously I was getting no where fast. Eventually, I got the gal to agree to talk to the program coordinator about my silly request. The rest of the week went by with no schedule. Tonight, I'm trying to get things in order for tomorrow's activities and I still don't have clue who is doing what. The children will bear the brunt of this as I have them each packing all necessary gear for which ever thing they might be doing. I'm going to have it out with that damn place if they don't get me a schedule soon. You'd think that the thousands of dollars I shell out would at least net me a fucking schedule.

I read slow but...

I was checking the due back date on my library book and noticed it was stamped "July 12 2005". I am the only person to have ever checked this book out, but surely someone else might want it before next year rolls around. I wonder if I am bound to return it by July 12 2004 when it is actually supposed to be due back or if this entitles me to keep it longer??? I feel like keeping it longer...like I'll be getting away with something. Library crime....I'm so cool.